Do you mind (if I open the window)?

English speakers don’t say No, it isn’t because this sounds very impolite. No is used when sharing information, not when sharing opinions.

There are a lot of other topics you can use to start making small talk, but the best questions are simple and not too personal. Remember, the purpose of this question is just to ask the other person Do you want to make some small talk?

– Tomorrow is a holiday, isn’t it? – This coffee tastes rather bitter, doesn’t it? – That cake was delicious, wasn’t it? – These chairs are really comfortable, poor credit installment loans direct lender aren’t they? – All the presentations have been really good so far, haven’t they?

This phrase is commonly used when you want to perform an action that might cause a problem for another person – such as opening the window on a cold day, or borrowing something from them.

The verb mind in this phrase means that you feel negatively about something, or you have a problem with it. In this case, the most common positive response is No problem! You can also say Sure, go ahead! or Be my guest!

A negative answer to this question is Yes, because it means I don’t want you to do that. I will be unhappy if you do it. Most native speakers avoid answering negatively, however, because it sounds impolite, so they say something like I’m sorry or I’m afraid:

– Do you mind if I sit here? / I’m afraid this place is already taken. – Do you mind if I borrow your bike? / Sorry, I need it this afternoon.

Alternative phrases:

Another (informal) phrase that young people like to use is Is it cool if. In the video below, listen to how Eric from Russia uses this phrase:

When you want the other person to do the action, you should use the phrase do you mind X-ing: Do you mind closing the window? / Do you mind lending me your bicycle? It is incorrect to use you twice: Do you mind if you lend me your bike?

– Would you mind if I closed the door? – Would you mind if I borrowed your bike today? – Would you mind lending me your bicycle?

Notice that the verb is now in the past form, even though you are talking about a situation in the present. This is a common way in English to make a phrase more polite; when a verb is in the past, it sounds softer and less urgent.

Would you like (some coffee)?

You hear this phrase often in restaurants or when visiting someone’s home. It’s a nice, polite way to offer something to someone, or to suggest an activity: Would you like to dance?

How to respond:

For small offers or simple actions, you can answer Yes, please or No, thank you. For special activities, however, these short answers do not sound polite:

A: Would you like to come to my birthday party? B: No, thank you. A: (covers his face with his hands and cries quiet tears of sadness)

– Would you like some coffee? / I would love some. Thank you. – Would you like to dance? / Sure, I’d love to!

– Would you like some tea? / I would love some, but maybe later. – Would you like to dance? / I’d love to, but I’m too tired. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Alternative phrases:

With family members and close friends, you often hear the phrase do you want. This is more direct, and slightly informal – especially with the shorter form wanna: Do you wanna play a game? This can sound very impolite if you are speaking to an older and/or important person (such as your boss, or a customer).